rthstewart | Chapter 8, Two Hearts Day, H&M

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Chapter 8, Two Hearts Day, H&M

So, I've done two things this weekend. Work and fiddle with this chapter in my very sparse downtime. Chapter 8 was clocking in at 17,000 words, so I've split it. The first part of this chapter has been seen before here on the LJ, but it's tweaked with different spin and dialogue in places and more context that is consistent with the story. I'll add comments to the anonymous reviewers shortly.

Thank you all, so much. It means the world to me that you are reading and commenting.

And, on to anonymous reviewers Flavia and AM:

Flavia noted that with Edmund living closer to the way the real people do, with his lowly status, that perhaps he has a greater appreciate for Susan's domestic management. Further, you ask how Edmund deals with Morgan's devotion to her career and the extent to which his intelligence and ego conflict over this. The answer to the first question is reflected in the bigger Stone Gryphon work. In fact, Edmund does have a greater appreciation for Susan, though not necessarily domestic management specifically as he takes little notice of it, at least at first. You raise an interesting question, though, and that's one I'll keep in mind as I move forward through Apostolic Way.

As to the second point, there is not a lot of emotional self awareness in this couple. Something that started as a joke in By Royal Decree is actually a very important point in their relationship, that Edmund is not "Father, Brother, or Peter." For Morgan, she has zeroed in on Edmund with the same single minded zeal that she affords everything else. She will never give him cause to doubt her -- which started really as just a bash on the inevitable love triangle stories but has become something more. One reason why he is comfortable with her career so to speak is that he is very confident of her devotion and loyalty.

AM noted a couple of things. She noted that By Royal Decree seems a bit without plot in comparison to the plot heavy parts of Harold and Morgan, and that I don’t really build up more of the world, like the smashball game and banking regulations. She further wondered why I don’t tweak things and take my writing pro or self-publish.

BRD is plot thin because it was supposed to be one thing, a big joke on Edmund with the traitorous bitch in the corset. I would kill the Hound off in Part 1 of TSG and so this was Jina’s backstory. Morgan was introduced for one reason only, I wanted to do the riff on Edmund’s titles in Chapter 3 and he needed to say it to someone. Enter Morgan. It was never intended to carry a plot. When I started H&M, by chapter 4, I sensed that readers really disliked the story and so dropped it, perceiving, in comparison to the popularity of BRD, that the plot heavy qualities were part of the problem. I was going to drop this story until E asked for birthday fic and Anastigmat wrote Deny the Child. The plot of the Lone Islands part of the story has been drastically scaled back. The point of the story is how Harold and Morgan get to the end, what Edmund hears at the Wall of Lilies and how he carries this relationship forward into Spare Oom. It also reflects my view of the transition after the Four leave.

As for the pro fic. Hmmm. Well, been there, done that, got the t shirt, so to speak. Actually, a lot of t shirts. There was a time when I stood at the precipice and could have tried expanding my nascent pro fiction. The ducks had lined up. I decided to not go any further than I had. I do write professionally in technical fields and fan fic is what I love. So thanks, but this is where I'll be!

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Ooh, I got to enjoy this chapter with a newly opened bottle of wine. And now I get to review it, slightly tipsy. I had already read the Two Hearts Day portion you previously published (try typing that three times fast while slightly inebriated), but oh, the new stuff that has since followed... Though the truly tender moments can be few and far between for these two stunted individuals, when they do come up, they're oh so satisfying. Because I'm of the melancholic sort, I immediately thing of the adolescent boy of TSG dealing with memories such as these. Heart wrenching. Truly. I'm glad you picked up H&M again, though I was fortunate enough to not have had to suffer through the hiatus, having just found your work a couple of weeks ago. Looking forward to Part 2!

--Indil

you can review anytime! slightly tipsy or fully inebriated! It's so difficult to write them sometimes. I have a scene already written that occurs 2 years after this and there are things they really should say and they don't. One reader said that she thought Edmund would end up being the more emotionally open one but that this chapter seems to suggest Morgan. I write them sort of see sawing back and forth. But, Edmund was actually very forthcoming in this chapter -- more than he has before, and this is something of the pattern. They ALMOST get there, wherever THERE is, and then BAM something happens and sends them backwards. Two steps forward, one step back.

The adolescent boy of TSG is melancholy about this. He's heard Morgan, he's heard rumors and stories of what he might have left behind, I think there's probably some bits and pieces that could be added about that from DT if I really wanted to pile on the Edmund angst -- which I don't. He's going to bury it all and move on and I think it will come bouncing back again once the war ends and Mirrim (I think that's her name) wants to be his always and forever and Mr. Pevensie finally wakes up and starts paying attention.

AHA. Yes, one of the topics on my list -- the father/son relationship, or rather, lack thereof. Mrs. Pevensie has proven to be a very dimensional character, and I look forward to the Mr. coming into play. On that note, I wonder how Edmund's relationship with his mother is? The dynamic between her and both Peter and Susan is fleshed out wonderfully.

Dangit. That was me here. Accidentally posted before I could sign off.

--Indil

I figured it was you! No worries. I guess there's a fair amount of fic in which Mr. Pevensie's favoritism toward Peter drives Edmund to the Dark Side and Jadis. I've not read it but it's easy to see why it's out there. I tend to approach this in such a way that whatever Ed's troubles were that got him into trouble, he's put it behind him. I think he has a good relationship with is mother -- I think Edmund has good friendships and working relationships with a lot of women. With his father, I'd like to think that at this point, Edmund sees his father pretty clearly as a deeply flawed man. Maybe residual sadness for what might have been, but pretty accepting? I don't know. I'll need to think about that and how I can turn the usual trope upside down.

Oh, I love this story. For mine, the attraction is that there's lots of plot. Yes, the witty dialogue is definitely part of it, but it's the whole package for me.

I really like what you did with expanding this chapter from the snippet - it's really clever, and now there's a whole new lauching point for the next part of the story. Oh, and the father, brother, Peter bit just dropped with a very big clang. Didn't really think about Morgan's father or brother. Wonderful, as always.

Isn't it funny how I can reuse things like that??? The Father, Brother, Peter. I introduced Morgan in BRD because I wanted to use that line and take a poke at the incest and love triangle stories. Edmund making fun of the trope, so to speak. And then, I had an AH HA moment with Jalur moving things along with the just tell her to call you Harold. But now it works two ways -- for Morgan, it was never father, brother, or Peter, only Edmund, and for him, whatever else happens, he is always secure in knowing that there isn't anyone else except him. I waffled on whether to have him make that bald statement, I trust you. And it might go too far. But he does, as much as he trusts anyone.

Oh and plot. Yes, the murder attempt had always been part of the story. Hint -- don't ever try to do a murder mystery when you have a talking Hound who you've established is practically a mind reader, or at least highly sensitive to smells, deception, and emotional states. REALLY HARD. I'd had this whole thing in my very convoluted plot where Teddy had died very dramatically and and Morgan had been poisoned and Jina rushes to the apothecary to find the poison and the antidote and yes, very complex. And there were going to be these great moments for near deathbed confessions that are not made. Ha.

The chapter link isn't working for me. It's giving me a ff.net error message. I don't know why. The other comments are giving me the impression that other people are getting through.

here it is again and I'll try the link and reinsert it,

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5711916/8/

Yea! That worked. I'll let you know what I think after I read it. I'm sure I'll love it.

I love it! Not the cliffhanger so much (you're evil!), but all the not romance and so on. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

Thanks for writing!

Thanks so much! The link has been very wonky. Sometimes it's up and sometimes not. I wonder if this is why the FB has been so long and slow on it at ff.net? I'm worried I'm getting a repeat of what happened at Chapter 4 and I really felt this was a better chapter than the last for all that included some rehashed content.

Thanks again

As you write much faster then I comment, this time – three in one.
All the comments are in no particular order – just as I thought about it.

Morgan’s father is more or less a person we would expect him to be – knowing what is his job and that he is quite good at it. But her brother could be anyone, so he deserves few words: I like him and I like the way you write about him. At the beginning he is very younger-brotherish – nearly to the fault (but at least he’s cute) – but shortly we start to treat him as a person on his own.
I do understand Narnians. Alan has something for which you want to slap him. Constance is just as charming as he is, but at least she’s perceptive – and that makes her an interesting person.
I like the phrase ”plausible deniability”. If you invented it – good job. If not – thank you for introducing it to me.
Adding a sentence or half of it about details of code, taxes, accountings etc. here and there is a good idea (like: „Edmund had not bothered studying that part of Tile 52, Section 355a because it had been too dull and not at all relevant since he proposed just drawing a big charcoal line through it and eliminating it all.” or „The Handball Guidebook was nearly as long as, and more impenetrable than, Subtitle C of the Tax Code.”). It is irrelevant to the plot and usually we have no idea what are they talking or thinking about, but it doesn’t allow us to forget where we are.
Edmund resigned, reconciled to his fate is quite adorable – and even more when he unexpectedly puts everybody in proper place – like when using pluralis maiestatis when talking with Pierce or at the end of the newest chapter.
Director Linch talking to Meryl about Narnia – I wander how much was he talking to her, how much – to Edmund. And how would this conversation look like if Narnian King wouldn’t be present in the room.
<"It is an enmity that could lead to violence," Edmund said.
The Director laughed. "We are Bankers, Harold of Abdon. Not Knights or soldiers." He caught himself before adding, Kings. "We fight our wars with clever words and well applied coin."
Edmund tried to make the obvious rejoinder, but it was better that Sallowpad spoke for him. "Humans kill for money, Director. A Human would certainly kill for a House Directorship.">
Prophet or what?
I am deeply worried about overwhelming presence of Calormene on the Lone Islands. To repair that the Four would need much more time than they actually have. Would you mind to take Edmund for a little walk over Narrowhaven? I would like to have a closer look on the city and I suppose that he as well – once in his life not after grass was painted green (I remember that in her/his review E mentioned making special preparations before visits of Soviet dignitaries. I have similar connotations; where I live a name for all types of that sort of actions is „painting grass green”. Though it should be stressed that such practicies are well known to all political systems, though they are stronger in places where central authorities have more power and are more isolated from „normal” people).
The way you described Edmund’s reaction to rahat was perfect. One could almost fill Jadis’ presence. And that he’s going to vomit.
I hope you are aware, that since you’ve turned you fic into a detective story you’ll have to update it more often? No way we could wait several weeks to find out „who killed”.

Best as always,
Krystyna

Your comment shows up fine, Krystyna. I see it even when not logged in as rthstewart and thank you and will respond more later!

Some excellent thoughts here. I'd not heard of the painting the grass green expression but I remember that when we were in Romania in 1992, the fountains were only turned on when dignitaries came (and Michael Jackson). I had not thought to have Edmund tour the city and it's an excellent idea. I could do something like that... I think, though it will delay the next chapter. On the other hand, feedback has been so slow and long and late coming on this chapter that I'm not sure about posting right away. This is when I wonder that I've done something wrong (again).

Plausible deniability is a US term used in politics and espionage -- those in higher positions look the other way about things that their lower, subordinates are doing so that should it all "blow up" (figuratively or literally) the higher ups can disavow any knowledge of it. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=plausible%20deniability

I've had a very clear idea of Director Linch for a long time. He closely mirrors the business executives that I know. However, he has just suffered a real shock to his whole belief system -- we are civilized. We don't DO things like you Barbarians in the North and now one of these civilized people has tried to murder his children.

As for Pierce, as much as I don't cast by physical type, I know exactly in my head how Pierce appears and behaves. He is the junior gear in a machine of business -- hard working, dedicated, very good at what he does, but not brilliant. As the Linch Director will think in the next chapter, And Pierce, his most loyal, so very clever, patient, dogged, stalwart son, who was Morgan’s greatest defender. Had Pierce been anyone but Morgan’s brother, he would have been the brightest star Linch had seen in generations. . But, Pierce will inherit Linch House, assuming he survives. And Morgan is to Meryl.

thank you for commenting and reading. I hugely appreciate it.

What's wrong with leaving comments here? You send one, then it disappears.

I show comments all showing up? I don't screen anonymous comments before posting -- I will delete spam, but that doesn't happen very often. Can you not see what you typed?

Well, I can see it now. Do I understand correctly, that it appears after you give it the green light?

Nope. There is an option that allows me to pre-screen anonymous comments -- that is, those from non-Livejournal users. I do not use it so once you hit Post Comment, it is live and visible to everyone. Anyone can post, here or at ff.net. Members of the Narnia Fanfiction Revolution (NFFR) can private message me there and of course the email is no secret either. I will delete obvious spam but otherwise, the good, the bad and the ugly are all there and stay.

Sometimes comments disappear into a + sign, and you have to click the + sign to have them expand again. Is this what happens?

I don't know when or why it happens, but it would be good if it's only something like that.

I'll comment on the chapter at ff - will just say here that I enjoyed it very much, as usual!

It's a different case. I can see my comment just after I post it, but if I refresh the site or come later to see it, I can't see any track of my post - until Ruth replies to it. After that it stays and there are no problems whatsoever. That's why I thought that it must be first approved by her.

Thank you!!! I look forward to reading it. The FB has been very, very slow coming in for the chapter, which has had me thinking that I'm back to the old Chapter 4 problem again.

I got the fic notification last night just before going to bed, thinking I'll get around to my usual hour-long (more or less) perusal of the chapter this morning. Hah. It's been a long, harried day (real work and two freelance projects instead of one) and this was my reward this evening after getting everything else done and out of the way.

And with that ending to this chapter, you are Evil for making us wait to find out what's going to happen next. Totally unexpected cliffhanger and we go into a more serious story now that is not just about a Not-A-Romance. I love mysteries like this and truly, I'm even more excited to see where you are going to go with this.

Never, every try to do a mystery with a Talking Hound who you have established is ultra sensitive to scent and emotional states of people. Mysteries are REALLY HARD when she might be able to tell if they are lying!

Thanks so much. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I've been worried about the very slow reception of of this chapter, which has confused me as I thought it was stronger than the last one.

Onward, as they say in Dr. Who.

Mysteries may be hard, but really, it can't get any better when King Edmund the Just is on the case. And to your issue/comment below about stopping the tales of "Harold the Clerk" -- perhaps the Rats/Crows can do as they did in Tashbaan (about the rumors of sorcery and the great Demon of the North), and spread a different rumor secretly among the other Houses.

By the way, I find the timing of this story to be so ironic given how there's the big Banking scandal with the IMF chief going on at the same time you posted the chapter.

By the way, I find the timing of this story to be so ironic given how there's the big Banking scandal with the IMF chief going on at the same time you posted the chapter.

In his honor, I've just named the Stanleh Director as some variation of Dominique Strauss-Kahn

You may have been victimized by the site.

I won't speak for anyone else, but this took several hours to show up in fanfiction. I found it late at night, but couldn't actually read the chapter until the next morning. I checked back several times in the morning before I got in and had to hunt for the chapter since it was off of the first page.

Dr. Dolly

I loved the chapter and I loved the cliffie. I can understand how Ed could blow his cover.

I would think that more folks would put 2 and 2 together now that a lowly clerk ordered around the House of Linch. How ever could you stop folks from telling that tale?

Dr. Dolly

Thank you for raising the issue of stopping folks from telling the tale. I've not really dealt with the spy and gossip networks between the Houses and with this suggestion, I see something to add in the concluding chapters. Thank you so much!!!!

I loved this chapter (or half of a chapter) so much. You weave together lighthearted comments with the serious and heartfelt topics so well. I am happy to see them sharing more with each other, and trying to help and teach each other. She called him Edmund! Twice! The way you integrated the glimpses of Edmund's past into the earlier conversation, then had it serve a purpose at the end was great. It all felt quite natural. It seems like Morgan has heard the story of the Pevensie's beginnings in Narnia. I wonder if she already knows what Edmund did (though not, of course, the actual toll it took), or if this was left out of the retelling. Is this one of the first times you've actually addresses it in your main stories? I can't remember.

Thanks! I can't wait to read the next part!!!

J.Apple

Thanks so much! In my head canon, I assume that Edmund's betrayal is not widely known. Even he does not know in the book of Aslan's sacrifice and I just assume that the subsequent stories don't tend to tell the bit about Edmund turning traitor for a time. And in this vision, the Lone Islands Bankers are these very practical business people. They don't believe in magic and prophecies. The idea that these children just show up seems incredible (it is incredible) and I've had the characters express that unreality -- how seeing the Kings and Queens was like a children's story and how the prophecy is utter rot.

As for Edmund's past, he is opening up more to Morgan -- I wonder if maybe too much, but at this point, they have been living together for almost a year. She's just put together a very thoughtful, special evening for him and he's feeling the obligation for some reciprocity. And, for all that she conceals, he knows there's no deception in it -- she either can't speak or doesn't know what he wants to hear. He does trust her and their drama, such as it is, will never arise from lack of trust.

I assume there are legions of Edmund angst through Turkish Delight stories, though I have encountered few of them. I try to take a more evenhanded approach to Edmund and his angst, such as it is, is usually pretty well concealed and he doesn't dwell on it usually. I assume that insofar as his turning traitor is concerned, it is in the past, he knows it is in the past, he feels no temptation, and I think has a pretty good handle on the guilt. He knows he's been forgiven and uses the power of that grace to guide him going forward -- a calling rather than a strict sort of atonement.

Goodness, I'm rambling.

Thanks again. I really appreciate it.

Rth

The anon. reviewers bring up good points that I'd not thought about and I'm glad you pointed them out. As for my part in the review drop, my answer is finals. I have spent so much time writing papers and such in the last two weeks that I have absolutely no desire, nor ability, to write a coherent review, and my goal when I review is always to help the author if I can and to discuss the more intricate or interesting points (though I'm not doing to well finding the intricate bits in this case) and coherence is rather a must for that, and something I lack at the mo. Sorry about the ramble, I swear I usually make more sense, but I only found out about your fics during a heavy semester, so I'm usually a bit frazzled when I review.

Also, you responded somewhere up there to a person and mentioned a character named Mirrim, and I don't recognize the name at all. Also, I agree with that person: I really want to see Mr Pevensie developed a bit, and more Mrs P (whom I am now thinking may be a Miriam? I'm really excited to see what she will be named eventually.)

I think I've rambled enough for tonight/this morning, so I shall stop now.

~LotL

No worries and thank you for reading! Exams are a nightmare and good luck with them! Mirrim or Miriam (or some variation and assuming this is the name I use) is a character still to be introduced in Apostolic Way. We're not really there yet -- it's after the War in the 1946-49 time period, and she's a vehicle for a couple of events in the outline, she's a nurse, rounds out the cultural diversity of the House of Russell, and is a tool for some Edmund-angst. I've still not named Mrs. Pevensie.

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Chapter 8, Two Hearts Day, H&M

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