rthstewart (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rthstewart) wrote2019-12-27 03:51 pm
rthstewart) wrote2019-12-27 03:51 pm
Entry tags:
Family Fish Feud
So, I vented on Twitter and a bit on Tumblr but here is the whole, ugly story.
My husband, LST, is the second of 5 children. His mom, my MIL, lives in a condo in Minnesota. Her daugher, K and her husband S and their daughter Mac, all live there too and are quite thick. S and Mac are both pescatarians, which is interesting because the family Does Not Cook and both K and her daughter show lots of disordered eating, daughter learning from her mother. Last year, we had gift opening at their home -- the first time in many years they've hosted anything, though the extended family all comes to MN for Christmas. As mentioned K Does Not Cook and cannot shop or outsource, either. So for food, they served, in a lovely tray, Hershey Chocolate kisses, M&Ms and chocolate espresso beans, this being K's idea of food. We were told to bring our own meal and they would have take out menus -- which they did not.
There is sister E who is very odd and her boyfriend X. There is me, LST and our spawn, T3. There is the other DC family, my husband's brother M, his wife N (who I have historically referred to as either Hot House Orchid or Turkish Prison Guard -- she is a Turk and is VERY high maintenance) , and their children, my niece the Vegan who I've written about before and their son L, who is a drug addict. FUN, right?
And then there is the Wisconsin contingent, my husband's youngest sister M, her husband A and their three delightful and indestructible children. Their whole family has a bundle of allergies. Dogs, cats, shellfish, melon, and fish and other things. Wisconsin brother in law A has the fish allergy and it's gotten much, much worse in the last year. As in, 2 ER visits, 6 reactions, and the last time, his birthday present was an allergic reaction after sitting next to his son who had eaten (past tense) fish tacos. In other words, A's fish allergy is now airborne.
Now, although K and S refuse to host and my MIL HATES having people in her home, we still all travel to MN every year for Christmas. Because they all hate to cook or host, I've taken over Christmas cooking duty the last few years. I bring supplies from home, including cooking pots, knives, and spices, buy the food and make it in my MIL's condo. It's not hugely successful but I've managed to make Christmas dinner work and have, over the years, gotten better at it, simplified it, and learned to accommodate the different allergies and food preferences without any problem -- as one does when one is a normal empathetic human being who does not wish to send guests to the hospital.
My MIL, sister K and her husband S are not normal or empathetic. They collectively decided that there must be fish at the Christmas dinner I was cooking. They were going to bring it already prepared, despite my pointing out that really cooked fish wasn't going to hold for that long in a Pyrex cooking dish and warming pads. And then, when sister M said, could we please just skip the fish so that my husband doesn't go to the ER when we take the lid off the cooked fish?
And, MIL, sister K and husband S ... refused. MIL looked on the Internet and determined that in her considered non-medical judgment, fish allergies weren't that bad. "A cleaned fish over the summer!" [and went to the ER that night] Sister K said that her husband and daughter should be able to eat their fish on Christmas Eve even if it would endanger a family member and my MIL said to daughter M, well, fish is more important that your family's health, so you can just leave before we eat.
So, they did. I gave them a cherry pie to take home and they ate it with spoons in the mini van on the 6 hour drive home on Christmas Eve -- wtihout dinner.
The angels of my better nature lost and I sabotaged the already cooked fish by letting it sit to reheat in a 350 degree oven for 45 minutes -- which would have been enough to cook raw fish. The final sad, shriveled Trade Joe's fillets were dry as ash and gross. Don't piss off the one person who knows how to cook.
Also bizarre was that everything except the main course meat was either vegan or vegetarian and I HAD A VEGAN MAIN COURSE but MIL and Sister K insisted that pescatarians wouldn't eat vegan? WTF? The vegan main course was, of course, vastly better than the shriveled fish. "They won't eat vegan bread" my MIL said. And I"m like, ARE YOU SO MORONIC YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IS IN BREAD?? To which the answer was, yes, in fact, they don't know what is in bread.
So yes, it was awful and I'm really not sure what's going to happen next year. If I were M and A, there's no way I'd go back. I certainly don't want to and the other family here is pretty pissed too.
I once wrote a short story, Culinary Diplomacy, about the stress of hosting a party for 25 guests, some of whom were variations on gluten-free, vegetarian, nut-free, and dairy free. It was REALLY hard but by gawd I did it and the number one paramount rule of hosting is DON'T SEND YOUR GUESTS TO THE ER.
My husband, LST, is the second of 5 children. His mom, my MIL, lives in a condo in Minnesota. Her daugher, K and her husband S and their daughter Mac, all live there too and are quite thick. S and Mac are both pescatarians, which is interesting because the family Does Not Cook and both K and her daughter show lots of disordered eating, daughter learning from her mother. Last year, we had gift opening at their home -- the first time in many years they've hosted anything, though the extended family all comes to MN for Christmas. As mentioned K Does Not Cook and cannot shop or outsource, either. So for food, they served, in a lovely tray, Hershey Chocolate kisses, M&Ms and chocolate espresso beans, this being K's idea of food. We were told to bring our own meal and they would have take out menus -- which they did not.
There is sister E who is very odd and her boyfriend X. There is me, LST and our spawn, T3. There is the other DC family, my husband's brother M, his wife N (who I have historically referred to as either Hot House Orchid or Turkish Prison Guard -- she is a Turk and is VERY high maintenance) , and their children, my niece the Vegan who I've written about before and their son L, who is a drug addict. FUN, right?
And then there is the Wisconsin contingent, my husband's youngest sister M, her husband A and their three delightful and indestructible children. Their whole family has a bundle of allergies. Dogs, cats, shellfish, melon, and fish and other things. Wisconsin brother in law A has the fish allergy and it's gotten much, much worse in the last year. As in, 2 ER visits, 6 reactions, and the last time, his birthday present was an allergic reaction after sitting next to his son who had eaten (past tense) fish tacos. In other words, A's fish allergy is now airborne.
Now, although K and S refuse to host and my MIL HATES having people in her home, we still all travel to MN every year for Christmas. Because they all hate to cook or host, I've taken over Christmas cooking duty the last few years. I bring supplies from home, including cooking pots, knives, and spices, buy the food and make it in my MIL's condo. It's not hugely successful but I've managed to make Christmas dinner work and have, over the years, gotten better at it, simplified it, and learned to accommodate the different allergies and food preferences without any problem -- as one does when one is a normal empathetic human being who does not wish to send guests to the hospital.
My MIL, sister K and her husband S are not normal or empathetic. They collectively decided that there must be fish at the Christmas dinner I was cooking. They were going to bring it already prepared, despite my pointing out that really cooked fish wasn't going to hold for that long in a Pyrex cooking dish and warming pads. And then, when sister M said, could we please just skip the fish so that my husband doesn't go to the ER when we take the lid off the cooked fish?
And, MIL, sister K and husband S ... refused. MIL looked on the Internet and determined that in her considered non-medical judgment, fish allergies weren't that bad. "A cleaned fish over the summer!" [and went to the ER that night] Sister K said that her husband and daughter should be able to eat their fish on Christmas Eve even if it would endanger a family member and my MIL said to daughter M, well, fish is more important that your family's health, so you can just leave before we eat.
So, they did. I gave them a cherry pie to take home and they ate it with spoons in the mini van on the 6 hour drive home on Christmas Eve -- wtihout dinner.
The angels of my better nature lost and I sabotaged the already cooked fish by letting it sit to reheat in a 350 degree oven for 45 minutes -- which would have been enough to cook raw fish. The final sad, shriveled Trade Joe's fillets were dry as ash and gross. Don't piss off the one person who knows how to cook.
Also bizarre was that everything except the main course meat was either vegan or vegetarian and I HAD A VEGAN MAIN COURSE but MIL and Sister K insisted that pescatarians wouldn't eat vegan? WTF? The vegan main course was, of course, vastly better than the shriveled fish. "They won't eat vegan bread" my MIL said. And I"m like, ARE YOU SO MORONIC YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IS IN BREAD?? To which the answer was, yes, in fact, they don't know what is in bread.
So yes, it was awful and I'm really not sure what's going to happen next year. If I were M and A, there's no way I'd go back. I certainly don't want to and the other family here is pretty pissed too.
I once wrote a short story, Culinary Diplomacy, about the stress of hosting a party for 25 guests, some of whom were variations on gluten-free, vegetarian, nut-free, and dairy free. It was REALLY hard but by gawd I did it and the number one paramount rule of hosting is DON'T SEND YOUR GUESTS TO THE ER.
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