I'm not complaining, really, well I guess I am

[rthstewart]

So my SO, dear, darling long suffering person, LST, has FOR YEARS, wanted to invite his co-workers over for St. Patrick's Day or Cinco de Mayo, or something.  Always.  I sort of nod, and say, OK, fine, whatever, sure.

So, it's finally happening, on Sunday, and he got really short with me when he asked about food ideas and I responded that there really weren't any typically Irish foods we could serve for a crowd unless we looked at a pork or lamb dish, or salmon, and/or potatoes.  And this is more a 4-7 PM buffet kind of grazing thing, not a sit down meal.  He said he didn't think lamb (I agree), he likes salmon but not for a party food for 20, and there are Indian and Jewish guests coming, so pork is out. 

Fine.  Party poultry it is, with a vegetarian option.  I said I'd make turkey chili and vegetable chili -- not Irish but good, easy and he likes it and I'll do something with potatoes -- I'm thinking hash brown cups.
I made a bunch of batches of cookie dough, froze them and can bake cookies, crackers and cheese, get a fruit and veggie tray, make some mac and cheese for the kids (yes, we have kids too) and we're done, right? 

I send him out to get decorations and he buys Irish beer, so he's happy, and when he asked about things for the kids, I said, well, we can have them decorate cookies or cupcakes with green sprinkles and frosting. 

HA HA HA

Now, I do have a very high food awareness, allergens, sensitivities and such.  I can accommodate just about anything. My BIL is allergic to melon and fish.  My SIL is allergic to shellfish.  I've entertained lots of people with nut, shellfish, gluten allergies, and lactose sensitivities.   I don't have them but gosh I know lots of people who do and it's bad form to injure your guests.  I know how to cook in a clean, segregated kitchen.  I'm glad to do it.  So I always ask, any allergies?  Anything out? 

I should have known from his workplace.
Not only no pork but
1 Vegan
1 gluten-free
2 no nuts, eggs (including any cooked eggs, like in baked goods)

Wuhhh.  THAT becomes a very small set of foods that can be eaten by everyone.  Beans, vegetables, fruit, preferably raw.   Because seriously if you eliminate all animal products (fine, that's doable), you typically start substituting nut butters, flours, and milk substitutes.  But, nuts are out.  Gluten free is no problem (OK, no pasta or bread, but this is what those rice crackers are for) but a lot of gluten free flours specifically state for baking, don't substitute the eggs.  Macaroons are good alternative but those have nuts and egg whites.  Also, not putting the corn I already bought in the vegetarian chili and the vegetable and chicken stock I bought say they are gluten free -- but I may have to make my own stock between now and Sunday to be sure. 

I've not told my husband that the gluten-free person won't be drinking any of the beer he bought. 

WHOLE FOODS HERE I COME.    And chocolate dipped fruit except I don't have that fondue sterno thing.  Also, I found this, speaking of beans, deep dish cookie.

Gah.  I knew this would happen. 

Comments

[watersword]

Oh geez. Do you want suggestions? I can probably dig through my recipes and find something....

[rthstewart]

It's not so much the recipes? I had planned and shopped for a finger foot, party buffet and now, eh, kinda seriously screwed. A sit down dinner party would actually be easier. I have so many go-to recipes and eh, none are going to work here. I was planning (and already bought the food for) chilis, vegetarian and turkey, and a homemade mac and cheese for the kids, cookies, and some other things. Now, I think I should just scrap that. Cook chicken, roast vegetables, make brown rice. Not AT ALL the St. Patrick's Day party my husband wanted. I've got some slow cooker vegetarian things, so maybe I'll do one of those.

[branchandroot]

Eh, if your husband wanted any kind of St. Patrick's Food, he should darn well have brought You The Cook all the facts about co-workers' food needs well in advance. Failing that, he has zero room to complain, and you're already being more accommodating than many hosts, who would just cook what's already shopped for and add a dish or two for restricted diets. Hm. Potato and bean salad dressed with oil and vinegar, maybe? Springlike and easy. And I can attest that tea-lights work quite well for keeping fondue hot, at least.

[rthstewart]

Thanks Branch. This has been so irritating. I'm pissed and surly and it's keeping me from writing. And I have to spend more money and time on this than I'd intended. I am glad that it's made me stop and reorder because several things would not have been good or even dangerous but it's a pain in ass.

[transposable_element]

Oh, I hate getting blind-sided like that. Cooking for someone with restrictions can be an interesting challenge, but suddenly getting all of this dumped on you after you have a partially-implemented plan....Gah indeed!

[rthstewart]

Without fail, my SO will ALWAYS say before an event, "Oh there's not that much to do. It won't take very long...." He's fortunate I don't beat him over the head with my food processor.

[syrena_of_the_lake]

For aforementioned reasons, I feel vastly under-qualified to offer cooking advice on, like, anything. But I do have a great red pepper jelly recipe from an old roommate - good for serving on rice crackers (with or without Philadelphia cream cheese!). Just red pepper, sugar, boil and into the blender! I'm happy to send it along if you want. In the meantime, many sympathies for the planning woes!

You could always take a page out of Cook's book, but I'm guessing tripe is out :-p

[rthstewart]

NO TRIPE

[syrena_of_the_lake]

Hah. Would a milk substitute work in colcannon, do you think? (Basically creamy potatoes, scallion onions and cabbage or kale, I think)

[marmota_b]

Ganache is out, too, I presume? That would make the chocolate-dipping easier, without a fondue thing...
Honestly, no idea, fingers crossed for you all to survive.

[rthstewart]

chocolate dipping it is. I just bought a fondue pot on Amazon. Which, given that I've been cooking for 40 years without one, indicates I need it not at all.

[heliopausa]

First thoughts, pre-early morning exercise:
Hummous? with crudites and gluten-free cornchips or similar? Various other dips?
It's late, late to be thinking of clever, fiddly things to do with potatoes, but gorgeously roasted small whole potatoes with rosemary etc look very appealing, and people like them.
I'll ponder and post again.
(Noble woman! To be rising to the occasion. :) )

[rthstewart]

Roasted potatoes are favorite go-to YUM and I am very fond of hummus.

[heliopausa]

Me too! In our house, I make it, then call in the Taster, and then there's quite a pleasant ritual of judicious tastings and fine tunings until we've got it right. :)
Best wishes for a totally warm and happy time at the party. :)

[umadoshi]

...wow, that sounds so frustrating. >.< Good luck!