rthstewart | Follow up on H&M chapter 8, anonymous readers

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Follow up on H&M chapter 8, anonymous readers

There are some new readers, yes, aehtna, Miseria-Veritas, and traveler from nowhere I am looking at you. Thanks for the alerts and favs and if you have a question, feel free to drop by over here on an anon basis.

I've been trying to tell myself that the very slow trickle of feedback on the latest H&M is due to something other than the thud of story fail. I had thought the new chapter 8 was more interesting and better than the previous one (Two Hearts Day vs. smashball?, attempted murder vs. ladies lunch? sex vs squabble?), so the sudden and huge drop (again) is concerning. Chapter 8 has barely half that of 7 so when I say BIG DROP I mean it and this was exactly what happened in chapter 4 of H&M and after chapter 18 in TQSiT. As I've had, in the last week, the thud of work fail, car fail, dog fail, parenting fail, and childcare fail, I admit this might just be paranoia on my part and as Doctor Dolly mentioned, problems with ff.net notifications and such. But of course I don't know. So, I will hold off another few days before posting 9 or throwing the laptop into the river to give readers a chance to find and read 8. Those who did find and read it mentioned maybe seeing Harold wandering a bit around Narrowhaven when the grass isn't painted green, so I might add something there. There's room for it as Harold the clerk, secretary, lackey, and bag carrier is now consulting detective and he would be visiting the apothecary and the sweet shop -- a scene with Jina in the apothecary is in the original outline actually. So, when I can breathe and think again, I may add to it.

What follows isn't Narrowhaven, but is a glimpse inside Stanleh, and it amused me and so I hope you.

Maeve swayed on her feet and Edmund crossed to her side and relieved her of the urn before she dropped it.

“You there!” he said to a dawdling cook. “The AD would like more coffee, please.”

Maeve humphed at his presumption, but the cook did bolt toward the hearth and start banging pots around.

Jina approached and Maeve stared down at her. “You brought Morgan’s pet dog? Better not let Criat see.”

Criat was the cranky Stanleh housekeeper.

“She is a Hound, Maeve, and as for the reason I am here, we are trying to trace a package that arrived this morning for the ADs with the courier.”

Maeve yawned. “Sorry. We’ve been up all night.” She blinked and sharpened. “You said there was a package for the ADs?”

“Yes.”

Looking remarkably crafty for someone so fagged, she pushed him back through the Kitchens toward the Stanleh delivery room. “Was it something for Pierce? From someone?”

Edmund allowed her to steer him. Maeve was compromised, to be sure, but he was more likely to learn something useful when she was in such an unguarded state. “As it happens, yes, it was for AD Pierce.”

Maeve’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “Do you know who it’s from? It wasn’t that junior Banker from Sterns, was it? The blonde with the big smile?”

“No, Maeve,” Edmund said, finding her spurt of vivid jealousy amusing and disquieting. “It was nothing like that.” He pitied the Sterns clerk with the big smile; Maeve was just the sort to knock the teeth out of a romantic rival’s mouth. At that moment, she was reminding him of a particularly fierce Eagle defending her mate from other encroaching females.

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Reader drop again? That's no good! :( Maybe it was because you'd posted a version of the chapter on lj before?

Also, cannot WAIT for murder investigation. Mysteries etc have had a sweet spot in my heart since I read through all the Nancy Drew books the summer of grade 6.

I'd love to read a murder investigation too. Gosh, I wish I could write it!! I LOVE Nancy Drew... her convertible roadster and her packed bag and how Ned was just never as cool as she was....

I think... I think someone posted a Golden Age murder investigation fic on ff.net around about last summer? I think? I can't even remember who it was or what it was called, but I quite enjoyed it. Still, it would be awesome to see more of those for sure.

Oh Ned. Wonderful, wonderful Ned! I didn't realize it at the time, but he was definitely my first fictional character crush. <333

I think readership and/or reviews are down across the board. It's not just you. I think part of the reason is that summer's coming up and people are getting lazy and are more inclined to be outside than sitting in front of a computer. Also, it's end of the school year so I think plenty of people are caught up in exams and studying and just trying to get things finished before the long break begins.

And really, people have been rather lazy in general about reviews anyway. On FF.net, I see more favorite notifications than from people who bother to leave any sort of review.

Edmund as consulting detective is so much fun! Who is the Watson to his Holmes? (I have read my first [I think] Sherlock Holmes story recently [The Hound of Baskerville] and am in need of going to the library/bookstore to get more.)

I'm afraid it is Jina who is Holmes here.

I agree that the reason for decline in number of reviews is most probably the fact that it's middle of May. Surely, it is not pleasant, but one has to understand that he may not be the only determinant.
I can speak for myself. I had two very important deadlines recently. The second of things which I had to do I finished few minutes ago. And it's 2:00 am here.

Thank you for sharing that piece of story. And thank you for accepting suggestions.

Best,
Krystyna

Oh gosh, I LOVE Holmes and Watson and I love it in all its silly and old and modern versions. I liked how Sherlock updated all the familiar pieces of it, I loved the Robert Downey Jr. version and really Hound of the Baskervilles is just a CLASSIC. Sir Henry!! The shoe! Seldon the convict!

As for the feedback and such, I've been thrilled with it, since I revived the story. It's when it suddenly drops off the cliff that I think, huh, is it me? There's a sort of rhythm to it -- and I can pretty much tell when the that rhythm is off.

And I was nuts to ever try to write something when a main character is a hound who (rather than being bent on ripping out Sir Henry's throat) is capable of so much detection just be sniffing and then communicating. Thank goodness for plot contrivances!

There's some truth to the fact that this is a transitional season, as

autumnia commented. I myself haven't been on LJ as much since school finished, and I haven't commented on the latest chapter yet. I'll leave you a review on FF in a few minutes... :-)

But there may also be such a thing as transitional chapters. I've written fanfic too, and there are chapters that just for some reason seem to get fewer comments. Not always the chapters the author expects, which is frustrating. You can put significant work into a particular passage and no one says anything about it, and then the passage you toss in at the last minute gets remarks. But that doesn't mean the transitional parts are less important, just maybe the readers are waiting for the other shoe to drop, sort of. Especially if you write slow-burn kind of stories. Especially if your readers are the kind who try to leave more meaningful feedback than just "OMG POST MOAR NOW PLZ!"

Not sure why this last chap didn't get as many, since after all, there is major plot progression. But the end does have the sense of setting up something to come. I wonder if you maybe shoot yourself in the foot by saying that you divided a chapter in half, and then you end this one with sort of a cliffie. I wonder if that makes people wait to comment until you post the next part?

I went back and looked at chapter 4 and it was similarly transitional, IMO. It moves from the fluffier humorous beginning of the story to something a little more serious. Maybe you lost a few readers. But you've also gained some every time. Win, lose. It evens out. Those who stuck through perhaps needed some time to respond to the new tone of the story.

I'm just throwing ideas out there, and have no clue if this makes any sense because I'm typing as I think. Basically, I think you monitor this WAY too closely and give yourself a lot of unnecessary pain. Since I've started following you, you've scarcely posted a chapter without mentioning on your nervousness about the comment level.

You are so nice! thanks much! I've been really really happy with the last couple of chapters -- astonished, really, as I'd assumed there wasn't interest in the story and that I was moving at some sort of really fundamental disconnect with readers. As I wrote above, I had wondered if I would pick up more of the traditional romance readers with this story. That hasn't happened but I did wonder if I would get more of those UPDATE PLUHZ posts. Which I am not critical of at all -- I have a couple of readers who write a few words, but those words are a delight because I know she's still there.

The last two weeks have been horrific with car, dog, work, and homelife fail, so my resiliency is definitely not where it normally is. It's one of those, "if I can just get through this week." Oh, and I had to pick out paint for my office. So, we can add interior decorating fail to the list as I, errr... have no aesthetic sense at all. I hugely admire those who have a visual sense because I do not.

Right, where was I? In any event,onward. And thanks again!

I've been noticing reader drops in everything this past week - blog posts, ff chapters, even responses to Tweets. So I'd say it definitely has less to do with the story than with ... um ... shall we say it's this particular phase of the moon? Or, like the others have suggested, everyone is busy finishing up school and such and preparing for summer and so anything non-RL-related is taking a backseat. Personally, I like the theory that it's the wrong phase of the moon to be posting anything.

If you want, though, I can go on to ff.net as an anonymous reviewer and leave you a whole bunch of reviews that are variations on "OMG Eddie is HAWT and Jeena is CUTE i want a dog just liek her adn i dont like Morgon becuz i want ED to fall in love with MEEEE." Who knows, enough reviews like that and it might drive traffic up on the story!

>"OMG Eddie is HAWT and Jeena is CUTE i want a dog just liek her adn i dont like Morgon becuz i want ED to fall in love with MEEEE."

Please, don't do it again.
At least not here.

Krystyna

Sorry. I couldn't resist. I'll try to restrain myself from coming up with any more. :-)

that so should have come with a spew warning. I just spit up Diet Coke on to the dog.

I even started the story with "Not a Mary Sue!!!" Actually, curiously, I do watch who posts what and who reads and reviews what. And, there is a cadre of readers who read all those girl falls into Narnia stories, and who are huge fans of Lane from Untamed and the au stories where Caspian and Susan stay together and the ones where Lucy and Edmund are really not brother and sister and the love triangle tragedy romances etc etc. And I had thought I might pick up a few of those readers with H&M and I haven't and I think that's interesting. Now, I don't R&R their work much, so there's no reason why they would R&R mine, but I had thought romance or errr, not a romance would sort of cover that.

The words you use are too long. They can't cope. :P

I admit that the one about hawt female tortured OC with tortured past and added Ninja skills who falls into Narnia made me pause when I got to the part about the Just King's fingers on the elastic of her panties. I was wondering... elastic? And if there isn't elastic, this means she's been wearing the same pair of panties with elastic for weeks and weeks ... in Narnia.

In truth though, I do love all fan fic, up to and including elastic panties fic and girls with colour changing violet eyes.

*is one of those bad people who hasn't read/reviewed yet* I swear I'll get there. I've just.... been distracted.... Getting ready for vacation and then going on vacation and then coming home from vacation, and summer semester starting, and lots of co-writing projects, plus staring at a computer screen all day at work leaves me rather wanting to avoid it at home....

Argh, not enough hours in the day...

YEAH for vacation though! And I'm still cracking up over the fact that your wrote the story for Be_themoon that I ended up reviewing. Oh Remix madness.

Yeah, I'll be honest, I was totally squealing when I saw your review.... And when assignments went out, I was rather glad I wasn't assigned you; I'm not sure I could have done your work any justice.

Fandom is definitely a small world.

Hi, Rth,
I just wandered over here from reviewing Chap 8 on ff.net, and eeeheeeheee, another tiny bit of delightfulness to read! Yes, Maeve is a predator, isn't she... It seems that the Lone Islanders' culture promotes predation in that way; we're meeting some very nice ones, and some very thick ones, but the culture itself is so competitive! I'm glad that we hear from Maeve directly, though, and it's good that she's possessive of Pierce. Women like that seem to get what they want, and I would like a happy ending for Pierce. The young Stern best watch her step, though!

I wouldn't worry too much about the drop in review numbers; it certainly doesn't mean "story fail"! (outloud snort for that ridiculous notion) For myself, I really did have to go away and think about the chapter, I couldn't have turned my analytical mind (such as it is) on it immediately after reading it. It was awfully good, Rth, very touching and quite profound in several unexpected spots: the conversation about parents, the intimacy between Morgan and Edmund, the conversation with Pierce, then -- suddenly! - back to direct action! Attempted assassination! Wow!

A good witness to my appreciation is the overt praise of many of the reviewers; perhaps, also, the onset of May is direct competition. I know I'm tending to go out to my garden in the early evening, rather than sit on the computer any longer. (Yes, I do read all the reviews after I review. Other people notice other things than I do, and it deepens my happiness.)

You're a wonderful writer of fiction, Rth. I'm doing my best to understand how you go about it, so when I introduce my ficlet of Willa and the Trickster, it won't be too clumsy.

I cannnot WAIT for Willa and the Trickster. whenever you do it, it shall be lovely, I'm sure. SQUEEEE!

The only backstory I have for her other than the obvious, which is buried in this LJ somewhere is that she has had several litters of Rat pups and she has been among humans enough to know things like the fact that babies stay with their mothers a really long time.

I've been sort of mulling over what I did with Maeve and Pierce. I had more written there, about how the Houses sent two representatives to clean up the mess -- Morgan is very harsh about what happened there and she blames Stanleh, but that's her pov. Maeve and Pierce got drunk one night and then woops OMG what have we DONE??? and they were horrified but Pierce says that they kept ending up together and it somehow went from not horrifying to very nice. Admittedly, I can't fully square the backstory I've developed elsewhere regarding the evil of the House with Pierce's relationship with her, especially when she's been a rival of his sister. I know it doesn't quite square up. However, we've had this mostly from Morgan's point of view and Morgan's not without her really, really strong biases and opinions. Errr, so, yeah. And I just wrote a whole bunch of comment and I'm going to delete it because I really am rambling too much about female characterization. Suffice to say, I ended up getting interested in playing with the ideas of women as mentors, as competitive, and as very "masculine" in their aggressive approaches. That's why I juxtaposed the traditional male sports with the women's own cutthroat luncheon. And as I've altered the story and streamlined it, I have been pondering whether I should make women as villains or poor leaders. But, having written so many female characters, I don't need to have one woman character carry the weight of expectation.

And as for the insight of reviewers, oh my goodness, yes. Someone pointed out (was it you? or maybe Intrikate?) I have to check, that once Morgan realizes that Edmund really did drop into Narnia via magic, there's a really interesting dynamic there. As compared to Gertrude Meryl, who is VERY risk averse, Morgan is not, entirely. But this is a very uncomfortable thing. If he came in by magic, he could leave by magic and that's something Morgan will think about. She'll try to nail it down, try to manage it or minimize or mitigate it.

Hm, yes, you don't have very many female villains or poor leaders, do you... Come to think of it, Princesses Dim and Dimmer may have been the most recent. I'm probably skipping someone obvious and will be embarrassed forever, but it strikes me that you like to write people doing their best. And then, if things go wrong, it's mostly about the logical outcomes of that, rather than from malice. Which is, I tend to think, mostly how the world really does work; there's surprisingly little malice, when you come right down to it. Mostly ignorance, denial or incompetence.

So, until you really throw in a few complete male villains for us, I don't know that there's any need to have a few women who are so inclined. Once you label someone "a villain" then they're stuck there, and the story either becomes stuck right along with them, or they develop & change and become dangerously attractive anti-heroes. Don't you think?

PS It must have been Intrikate! I don't remember noticing that (good insight, Intrikate!), but yes, it adds a new dimension to Harold and Morgan. It must be a bit odd for the Pevensies themselves, not to remember where they came from. Unless they just accept it as calmly as Edmund does, as part of the magic of the world they inhabit.

Which, maybe, is also something that we all do, everyday. After all, who remembers what it is like before they're born? Who remembers the experience of the womb, or the early years of life?

Sorry to do all this multiple posting! I post, then I think of something I want to add. Must learn to delay the post.

PS: Must you hold off a few days before posting 9? Awwwwwwww, c'mon.... :-)

No, definitely not story fail. FF.net has been like a yo-yo for me - up, down, back again - totally inexplicable, and quite painful - bleah!!! Loved the last chapter, and the new snippet, and... Moar plz?

I went through a streak on ff.net where it was guaranteed that as soon as I hit the post button, the site crashed. I was PMing with Anastigmat last night and I think I'll add something where Ed buys that Lion broach that shows up in Deny the Child. So, I'll need to add that in. MOAR? This is from the next segment -- year 3, after the Lone Islands, tentatively titled, Death of the Hound

He moved the braid to the side, kissed her neck and wrapped his arms around her waist. From outside came the sounds of the troop he was leading to Glasswater – Roblang was calling commands and there was a clop of Centaur and horse hooves and the bay of a Hound, Rufus, he thought.

Responding to the rising din, Morgan squeezed his arms. “Best get dressed so I can see you off.”

“I thought I would go Narnian since you are wearing all my clothes.”

Morgan turned around in his arms, and Edmund got a delightfully lascivious smirk. “It is a possibility. The Narnians wouldn’t care.”

“Susan would frown.”

“Lucy would laugh.”

“The potential saddle sores would be prohibitive.” Edmund leaned back in the bed and pulled his arms over his head. “Your views, however, are the only ones that matter.”

For that, Morgan viewed him in a very thorough and most un-lady-like manner. “Using your wiles so you can blame me when the troop leaves without you?”

“I am leading it. They cannot leave without me.” He gestured to the parchment in the bed. “So, I thought to propose a reading of the capitalization agreement to you. Again.”

I love this snippet. It's a fantastic bit of domestic bliss. Plus, I kinda love how the term 'going Narnian' can mean anything from having a picnic, to being informal, to riding around in your birthday suit like Lady Godiva.

WOOT!!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you. Brilliant snippet. I love those two, and at risk of being tediously repetitive, I love your writing. Oh, and I nearly spat my tea over my computer when I read Blue Jay's comeback on why you haven't collected some of the other cadre *grins*

Definitely not story-fail! I think that the last was one of my favourite chapters thus far. In any case, please know that there are many readers out there who appreciate your work! Enjoyed the snippet - even very powerful (sometimes scary) women can be jealous, haha. Interested to see where the investigation takes Edmund.

J.Apple

Thank you!!! You are very kind! I just added another snippet in comments too, up above. For Min.

*whistles innocently*
I'll just go write my comment on ff.net, shall I?

You gave me a whole lot to think about in that review. Oh my goodness. More than anything else is that this chapter has pointed out how much I am stumbling around in, for lack of a better word, Ed-meta. There are certain things I've thought about a lot -- a place where the citizens are really animals and trees and how that would affect you; trying to communicate or govern when there are beings who are so culturally different; the succession; what happens next; aspect of medical care; how to cope with "guerilla" and insurgent forces vs conventional forces; colonialism, etc. I have thought a lot about Susan's meta and Lucy's.

What I have not thought about, at all, are the things you raise in the review and which readers are pointing out. For isntance, how this experience will have ramifications for Edmund back in spare oom other than his lingering regret regarding Morgan. You point out Morgan's lack of conventionality as contrasted with Edmund's uncertainty and maybe this is because he does not yet understand what is important to her? I **think** there's a part of him that doesn't quite believe that he deserves this.

I've been mulling over as well the idea that this Edmund characterization still has some of the same characteristics that made him turn to Jadis and how fandom tends to pick the approach of either everyone knows everything or nothing. I have not thought about either of these before. Edmund does tell Morgan that he is content with his titles and place, and I think he is. This isn't an Edmund characterization from the DT film where, in the Goldwater cave he emotes about wanting to be ruler, High King, etc. Errr, NO. A segment written later in their relationship, and which I use in one of the TSG flashbacks and is that he isn't necessarily dwelling on what he isn't and doesn't have, until Morgan says these things that are so supportive, they fill up a hole he really isn't even aware of. I do think her unconditional affirmation is important and that's what I've been aiming for which means, I suppose I've backed into why it is important.

And yet, there is a real utilitarian feel to that. He cares for her in large part because of what she does for him. There's an egocentricity to it that I think is consistent with this characterization.

As for the general knowledge of his betrayal, what they remember, and the Turkish Delight and such, I know I've read some fic dealing with these things. Cap Red says that I frequently purposefully subvert tropes and I know I do in some instances (e.g., love triangles) but I had not really consciously thought of any of it. Turkish Delight is Turkish in origin, Aslan means Lion in Turkish, rahat is the Turkish word for it, and the Lone Islands have this tie to Calormene, and... well, you see where I'm going. It fit, with the added bonus that Edmund isn't so much traumatized by its appearance as it is that having been thinking of magiked Turkish Delight, he is instantly alert to a danger when it does appear. Thank you for the trope of Aslan to provide helpful foreshadowing. (Mental note, need to have him acknowledge that in the next chapter). I knew for months and months that the story would involve poisoned food. So I just blunder along, writing what seems to work at the moment and it's really, REALLY interesting to read what readers are pulling out of it.

OK, time to catch a plane. Thanks so much!

In my case at least, it's an utter case of reader fail--I've been out of town and putting off anything nonessential to my current existence, like sleep.

I have just discovered a world of updates of yours, and I have only just started reading them all today, so you'll have to excuse my tardiness in responding to them! More comments will follow, one of these days, preferably after a good night's sleep. In the meantime, THANK YOU for the glimpse into the Trickster's world!! And Aravis, and just wonderful. And I'm overjoyed to see more H&M, and loved both Ch. 7 and what little I've seen so far of Ch. 8. Worldbuilding, hoards of bankers, Willa, dear, sweet, awkward Morgan... Sheer awesomeness. Never fear! "Story fail" just does not apply to you. You and your stories, quite simply, rock my world.

to be continued when I have recovered brainpower,
~Syrena

She's alive! Lovely to see you again!

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Follow up on H&M chapter 8, anonymous readers

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your stories always WIN.

Re: your stories always WIN.