rthstewart | Outed and Busted (almost)

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Outed and Busted (almost)

Ruth is one many identities I’ve had over my many years in many fandoms. I remember the first giddy delight going on line back in the early 90s in the days of Star Wars and X Files newsgroups and discovering that there were other adult women like me who had been interested in genre all their lives. First fandom: Barnabus Collins and Dark Shadows. In the intervening long years and many fandoms, been there, done that, got the t shirts, buttons, and badges, cons, fic (fan and original), BNF status, went to the Holy Shrine on my knees and back, looked upon the Great Oz, fandom became real life, and then, Kaboom.

Eight years later, scarred and hopefully a bit wiser, slow economy and older kids, I entered the Narnia fandom with no baggage or RL connections. A year later, here I am. Rthstewart and I are approaching our one year, 300,000 word plus anniversary in Narnia.

However, I haven’t told all the other friends from all other fandoms that I’m here. I worry more about them finding about Rthstewart that I do you all finding out more about RL me. (Though I still won't tell l_a_r_m where my old fic is). It’s embarrassing that I’ve written so much and I am so very much older than most people in this fandom. As big fat ugly lies are wont to do, the longer they go on, the harder it is to come out of the Wardrobe. I got stupid once and mentioned I’d been fan-ning again and two of them (very smart, Internet savvy women) spent time trawling and (I think) found me. They are very smug for their accomplishments, they give me a hard time about my sullen silence on the subject, and it pisses me off a bit even though I have none to blame but myself.

Fast forward to this week and a new friend-ing phase as I finally began adding those whose work I’ve been reading and admiring, but not saying anything about. I go to post at one of these new friends and lo and behold, a friend from the other fandoms, who I’ve known for over 10 years, is there. Now she and rthstewart don’t know each other at all. I don’t think she’s reading Narnia now. But my other moniker, my real life, one, well she and I know each other very, very well. We crossed over from fandom friend to real life friend years ago.

My worlds have collided. I have deep angst. One part says, “Run away! Run away! Time to go to earth like a mole in a bunker! Delete my presence and go back to PTA meetings and respectability!” The other part of me, all young beyond my years and fandom aggressive, is Who cares, WTF.

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Wow, you really are approaching the one-year mark in Narnia. A very hearty "Congrats" is in order, considering what you've accomplished.

I always find screen names to be so interesting. When I started to be active in fandoms, it was all about coming up with fun identities online. But the longer one's been in a fandom, and the closer you become with some other fans, the more I tended to shy away from using screen names and going back to using my real name.

I think it's partly due trying to figure out which identity to use when contacting both online and RL friends simultaneously. Do I sign off as "Nightshade" (a long forgotten screen name when I was deep into Buffy fandom) or just as "Karen"?

My RL friends know I've been involved in fandoms before, but I don't think any of them really knew how deep in it I was. Most of them have never read any of my stories (for which I am very thankful about) in the past, and even now, they haven't read any of the stuff I'm currently writing. The ones that do know and read are the ones that I became good friends with from my Buffy fandom days.

I think you should just go with it, Rth! If I were the other person, I'd probably be a bit surprised but shrug it off. After all, it was all thanks to being involved in the same fandoms that the two of you became better friends. And perhaps, the two of you can now share yet another new friend. :-)

(Sorry if I came off as rambling. I blame all the snow we just got dumped with and my mind is still reeling at having managed to get into work early despite 9" of the white stuff we've gotten so far.)

MWHAAAA! I laugh in the face of your measly 9 inches! Well, not really because that much snow in an urban environment is AWFUL because there is no where to put it.
As I met all these other women through fandom (a lot of them entered it through big multi-chaptered fic I did in the mid-90s), it's not the shame of fandom. We're all "fans" and now real life friends and have moved together over the years through a number of fandoms. But most of them have never delved into fic writing as I have, not as long, not as in depth. And I guess that's really it - at my age, I should be doing something else, like retirement planning, than writing fic about characters much closer to my children's age than my own.

I think it's great that you're still doing this stuff despite your age. Because that means I can keep doing it and not feel bad. Someone must blaze the trails for the younger generation!

Old Crone. Like one of those druidic priestesses from Mists of Avalon or the Bene Gesserit Reverend Mothers with wellsprings of cunning.

At your age...at which I am guessing... aren't you old enough to do what you want? I mean, what's the point of aging if you don't get to sneer in the face of society's expectations?

Amen, sisters. What's the point of growing up if you can't spend your leisure time however you want (illegal, immoral and fattening aside). I'm not that much younger than you, rth, and while I can't write worth squat, I still read this 'children's lit' and 'teen lit' and I enjoy it, and I don't give a toss that I'm supposed to be reading "literature". If I don't enjoy it, then what's the point? I'm old enough to know that life's too short to do stuff you don't enjoy.

My two cents, anyway. Go for it, and who cares what anyone else thinks. Oh, and BTW, happy anniversary, and many more of 'em.

Cheers

You are alive!!

Yes indeed. Had an insane week flying in and out, and while we can't boast snow, we had rain. Rain, rain, rain- we've been in drought for over a decade, so it's a bit of shock to the system. Then the pc blew up. So I'm working my way through the backlog, but I have to say that an iPod isn't the easiest typing device available. So the promised reviews are coming, just slowly : )

YES.

Yes to all of this.

The point of aging... hmmmm Career advancement? Senate confirmation? Condo in Florida? Social security?

9" so far and still more to go! Nature is not done with us yet. :-) I think we'll get double the amount by the time it (hopefully!) tops sometime tomorrow.

Just say "Pooh" to retirement planning. Live in the now! Fic writing is a hobby and while some like to garden or golf, you like to write stories. Before Narnia took a hold of me, I had relegated fanfic writing to something younger people (than me) do for fun, but really, age shouldn't matter if you enjoy it!

Well, mostly I recommend the Who Cares WTF approach, as you are venerable enough in RL what with all those PTA meetings to have it really not make a difference. However, maybe there is a compromise- send a message to the friend you bumped into online and say that you did start back to fandom but have wanted to keep it small and managable after all that happened the last time. That way there's no strangeness but you get to keep your identity right where you want it. And hopefully she's the sort that won't spread around anything you want to keep private.

But what do I know: I spent last weekend googling my last name in conjunction with my username to figure out if anything questionable might pop up before my interview. Not that I even do anything questionable like write porn or use Arabic flashcards. I'm just intrikate88 all over the internet and highly paranoid.

That doesn't strike me as paranoid at all!! This is where I was so glad to have been careful early in my online fandom days to keep my fic under different identities. I was so concerned that I or my husband would have to explain something embarrassing before a Senate confirmation panel -- certainly not a concern for me, any longer, but he's always been the respectable one in the family.
Googling me in RL leads to some interesting results in fandom, but nothing in fan fic. RL folks tend to stop at the pedia entry and the speculation about just how many places my oldest moniker and RL name show up as Easter eggs in original content created by other people.

My god, seeing someone try, to make up an example, to explain their Pokemon/Supernatural crossover mature-rated slashfic to a Senate confirmation panel would be HILARIOUS. Not for the person involved, obviously, but... *snortgiggle* Anyway, that mental video aside, I did consider making numerous usernames for the same sort of reasons (though I think mine are more related to being EIC of a major magazine/respected university professor/editorial director of first lunar publishing house) but I wanted to have a slightly solid internet presence too... it's tricky. So I google obsessively sometimes to destroy any connection between the two identities and hope that's good enough. I'll probably have to swear everyone to secrecy when that True Blood book with my article comes out.
You're an easter egg? That may be skirting dangerously close to celebrity status, m'dear, but still damn cool. :P

I am now intensely curious about what you or your husband do that would have you up before a Senate confirmation panel, but I'm trying to be good.

I understand the wanting to hide behind respectability mentality, because I have a bit of that too, and I'm not even thirty yet (though it is approaching with shocking rapidity). In the end, though, I say "who cares" to other people's opinions; if you take joy in it, that's all that matters.

And I like intrikate's suggestion: if you keep it casual, then chances are nobody else will make too big a deal of it, either.

I'd love to be the sort of woman who doesn't mind being interviewed in the papers for her fan fic, but ya know, there's that whole incongruity with what I do in real life too. pffbbbt

Ugh, Big Fat Lies. I'm still trying to get the nerve up to tell my mother, and I'm kind of getting mad that I feel such a need to. I should be able to go on a vacation without asking permission, darnit!

But, anyway, I totally vote for the 'who cares, wtf' response. Seriously. Because you + Narnia is clearly a glorious thing.

First of all: Congratulations on reaching the one year mark! Huge accomplishments have been... accomplished. Particularly for word count.

As for running away... PLEASE no deletion of current identity. I'm sure there are plenty other than me who would be absolutely devestated if you never reached Part 3 of the Stone Gryphon.

Quick question, and one you don't have to answer if it leads to identity issues, but was there any particular reason you chose the name Rthstewart? (I have a huge interest in names in general, and that has crossed over to an interest in the origins of pennames...).

Congrats to one year!

My inclination (though I really don't suppose anyone cares) is to throw my whole-hearted support behind the Who cares, WTF? response, and run with it. And really, your age, whatever it is, really doesn't matter: it is your life, after all. Some people play golf, some people collect stamps, some people write fantastically, brilliant stories.

Besides, I can't really talk, here. I'm fairly sure that no one in RL knows that I write, except for my sister. Talk about a Big Fat Lie.

So, yes.

(Oh, and I'm very excited to actually get to talk with you tomorrow! And Meto, too!)

Very excited too! So, do you think Jadis and Green Witch are related? We've been discussing this over on NFFR... I have a theory that they are both perversions of the Evil Stepmother archetype. Rilian was 20 when he was taken and with her for 11 years. Very, very creepy. Everyone wants to hear about Swanwhite, btw. Yippee!

Oh, God, Jadis and the Green Witch. Well, there's definitely got to be some sort of a connection there, yes? After all, how many evil witches can one little land have running around without there being at least a bit of a link? But as to the exact nature of that relationship... well.

Oh, Swanwhite, how I love her.

Jadis and Green Witch... added to the list for discussion.

Oh, this could turn out to be quite a long discussion. What fun!

Oh, and as a side note, do you think it might be possible to do a quick test call on Skype? I've not exactly used it before (alright: ever), and I want to make sure that everything's in order for tomorrow. I think all's set up correctly, but it would be my luck that, at noon tomorrow, I discover that I'm missing something essential.

Oooh, I am way excited for this interview! So now we have Jadis/Green Witch and Rilian, Swanwhite, Polly, Lucy and the Big Bad Pirate Dude, Susan and Rabadash...I feel that it will be Epic.

I, too, feel that there might be an element of Epic.

Of course, that could just be nerves. It's difficult to say.

Don't be nervous (says she who has a case of nerves at the smallest things) - it's going to be absolutely fantastic!!

Here's another who "should be too old for these things" - hah! Hah!
I haven't written Narniafic, though, I stick with Tolkien, mostly Silmarillion - but I read Narniafic. A lot.

If ever I were to write Narniafic, it would be crossover with Tolkien. An Elf of Middle-earth, who was born in Narnia because her parents had passed through a portal. She's a lady-in-waiting at Queen Swanwhite's court - the second of that name, the one that Lewis mentions in his timeline, while the first one is the one who is mentioned in LB.

The Elf gets back to Middle-earth eventually, and I've played her in RPGs after her transition to Tolkien's world.

Perhaps I should post (at ff.net) the story about how she got her name ...

I adore cross overs. We just recorded an AsCast with Ilysia discussing Swanwhite. Her approach is to assume Swanwhite was just prior to the witch.

I should listen to that. I'm interested in Queen Swanwhite mainly because I would like to use her in that crossover - and because it fits my purposes, I've decided that in my Narniaverse there were two of them. The legendary one before the Witch - just prior to her, if you like, I think Morothar uses that concept as well - and then another one, less known, but Lewis got them confused when he set up his timeline.

Oh, and my Elf's name is Varnafindë ...

I can't wait to read your fic. That is all. :D

I am going to DIE of SHAME. SHAME! SHAME I tell you.

If you do, I'll be right there with you. Just you wait and see.

I think I have something like 55,000 words of post-TLB Susanfic on my hard drive that I need to finish. It is not (yet) smutty. But still. I know what you mean.

Ahhh... Susan, post TLB. THAT, my friend, is a very interesting area indeed.

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Outed and Busted (almost)

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