If he wants to do holidays with his mom, that's his choice, but I think you have gone above and beyond the call of duty by taking over all the cooking/hosting stuff in the past. You are well within your rights to say, "Look, if you want to make the food decisions, that's your right in your own house, but I will not do the work for you," and then wash your hands of the whole business and stay home regardless of your husband's travel plans. This may be stressful in the short term, but I think in the long term it's a better idea than going out there again and trying to interject sanity and consideration into that mess.