rthstewart (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rthstewart) wrote2014-11-22 12:12 pm
rthstewart) wrote2014-11-22 12:12 pm
Life Lesson from the old crone #1
So those who have been here a while know of my long working relationship with Mr. Spock. To bring you up to speed, Mr. Spock and I have worked together for 21 years and he is an asshole. No, it's never, ever been sexist or physically violent, but he has done some unbelievably, breathtakingly unprofessional things to me (and everyone else) in the past. This has lead to the very legitmate question of why I tolerate it, First is that for all the behavior, he is brilliant, I have learned incredible things from him, and he has unstintingly advocated for my advancement. Second is that of all the other men I've worked with over the decades he alone is the one who really understood the difficulties of a working mother and has always been super supportive. It's worked really well, if punctuated by bouts of really awful. I uncomfortably consider that these might be reasons why people stay in mentally abusive relationships.
So, with that background, I got a Mr. Spock-gram on Thursday night. He'd asked the team to review an email, I added a paragraph and he wrote back to the team saying that my conclusion was no more based on reality than "if the moon was made of green cheese." This is very typical of Mr. Spock -- nasty, unprofessional, public, and usually in email. So I wrote back a longer winded response explaining my reasoning which, as is typical, he did not respond to.
And then, yesterday, when he called me to discuss how to incorporate my view (also typical), I told him what he did was unprofessional, abusive, and if he had a problem, he should have raised it with me privately. And then we moved on. After 21 years of the random passive-aggressive douchery behavior, I FINALLY, called him on it. He didn't apologize -- he never would -- but he did acknowledge it.
So, go me. Growth is possible. Challenging the powerful perpetrators of unprofessional workplace conduct can be really, really hard. Sometimes it really is never too late. Getting mad in the workplace and showing it can be OK. I wish it hadn't taken 20 years, but I"m glad it finally happened and the next time will be easier.
PS, on the subject of holiday disasters, so glad I'm not cooking Thanksgiving this year as we just had a water main break up the street!!! AND IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM
So, with that background, I got a Mr. Spock-gram on Thursday night. He'd asked the team to review an email, I added a paragraph and he wrote back to the team saying that my conclusion was no more based on reality than "if the moon was made of green cheese." This is very typical of Mr. Spock -- nasty, unprofessional, public, and usually in email. So I wrote back a longer winded response explaining my reasoning which, as is typical, he did not respond to.
And then, yesterday, when he called me to discuss how to incorporate my view (also typical), I told him what he did was unprofessional, abusive, and if he had a problem, he should have raised it with me privately. And then we moved on. After 21 years of the random passive-aggressive douchery behavior, I FINALLY, called him on it. He didn't apologize -- he never would -- but he did acknowledge it.
So, go me. Growth is possible. Challenging the powerful perpetrators of unprofessional workplace conduct can be really, really hard. Sometimes it really is never too late. Getting mad in the workplace and showing it can be OK. I wish it hadn't taken 20 years, but I"m glad it finally happened and the next time will be easier.
PS, on the subject of holiday disasters, so glad I'm not cooking Thanksgiving this year as we just had a water main break up the street!!! AND IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM
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