Hiding fandom in the underwear drawer since 1977

Posted by milesent

https://milesent.wordpress.com/2026/04/17/the-weight-of-weight-loss/

http://milesent.wordpress.com/?p=6800

Our culture, society, friends, family, advertising… all conspired to teach me as a young child that to be thin was imperative. Indeed, it was more important to be thin than to be healthy. Even as a (literally) starving child, I was concerned about the circumference of my waist. (I was so glad that my hips and ribs were wider than my waist… oh little waif, that was unhealthy at age 9!)

It didn’t help that I got stretch marks from the rapid weight gain when our Dad got custody of us and we got to eat regularly. 12 years old, in many ways one of the cruelest ages, and I had stretch marks. I was convinced I was huge (and therefore ugly.) Our dad didn’t help; he called us the Butt Sisters and otherwise teased us about being fat. (In truth, were were quite thin.)

I marveled when I went to college, gained 30 pounds and somehow felt thinner. What I really felt was attractive… people reacted to me like I was attractive and acted like I was worth having around. It was an entirely new experience for me! I fit into a size 8 dress; I was thin! Though very conscious of the fact that I had gained 30 pounds. (They promised me only 15 pounds of gain for a Freshman!)

I don’t remember the first time I tried to diet, or swore to work out regularly to get rid of the gut. I was young though, in my teens or earlier and likely very thin. I never succeeded. Diets were too hard to keep track of and I’ve explored already the many reasons I found exercise hard to commit to.

It’s hard to go against that early programming. You can never be too thin. When my sister was absolutely emaciated after complications from a surgery and very unhealthy, looking like she just stumbled out of a concentration camp… she received so many compliments on how thin she was. This was NOT on purpose! It was NOT a good thing!

I try. I repeat to myself that the most important thing is to be healthy and healthy is not a number on the scale.

However, I was NOT happy with my weight last fall. It was creeping up to my all time high. My sister recommended a calorie tracking app, FatSecret. (She particularly likes it because it also works for weight gain or maintaining, unlike most apps that are purely loss centered.) After many years deriding those who counted calories… I started counting calories. *sigh*

Well… it has worked. I am down 10 pounds from November; about two pounds a month, a nice, sustainable weight loss speed. And I did it though counting calories and exercising more. Who knew? (We all did, dammit.)

What I learned counting calories:

• I had taken to snacking more than I thought
• Candy adds a lot of calories, but doesn’t fill you up (In other news, water is wet.)
• Just being mindful of how much I was eating curbed my habits
• 1800 calories a day (instead of 2000) wasn’t really a hardship; and I probably hit that number a lot without knowing previously.
• I already knew that the quality of the calories matters rather than just the number of them.
• Wow, exercise really doesn’t burn much calories. (There’s an exercise tracker in the program too… put in a 30 minute walk and it was only worth like 150 calories.)
• I am definitely getting better at guessing if something is a cup or a half cup. (Also, I always assumed I was eating more than the recommended serving size of breakfast cereal… but nope. That bowl is really one cup, who knew?)
  

I do worry that my body is going to get used to a 1800 daily calorie intake, making me gain weight if I go back to 2000, but we’ll see. It’s early days yet. I do think that yoga class, the “workstation wellness” class at work and fencing are helping a lot. This is certainly the most regularly I’ve exercised in my life! (Still not as much as they recommend… but hey, it’s a lot for me!)

And while I am happy to be healthier… I am also reminding myself that the number on the scale is just a number. Not as important as the number on that blood test for cholesterol, eh?

https://milesent.wordpress.com/2026/04/17/the-weight-of-weight-loss/

http://milesent.wordpress.com/?p=6800