Look what she's done now, the horror of it all! As if it were not bad enough that she should leave me sitting slumped and gaping open on the floor by her feet, displaying my treasures for all but herself to see, an appallingly bold invitation for her to forget me if some other does not steal me first, oh no, then she also had to go and pay absolutely no attention to either the placement of her freshly delivered mug upon the table or the movement of her own elbows. Pray that you learn from this great tragedy, please, because it is thus that I have failed in my vow to protect that poor, defenseless little smartphone with my life, and I will never be able to hide my shame, for it will now be proclaimed for all to know by the overpowering scent of cheap coffee, which shall linger in my lining forever more.