I've been admittedly out of pocket - so I'll combine several thoughts here.
I loved both Chapter 11 and Chapter 12 - not only the text, but the conversation around them. That may be, in fact, what I like most about your writing. Not only is the story fabulous, interesting people have interesting things to say about them; which more than doubles my fun :)
Regarding Edmund's denial - I am hard pressed to see how anything short of Aslan himself would wake him up here.
Regarding Susan/Rafe - Oh my yes!
Regarding Peter/Mary - I'm so very lukewarm on this. I can see Peter falling for Mary, I can't see Mary falling for Peter. Too interested in Polly, maybe?
Regarding Peter, Richard and Giraffes - If I had disposable income (I don't) I'd pay to read that conversation, and I would double down if Asim was forced to eavesdrop and/or participate in that debate.
Regarding what's her face, this comes across to me as someone who is still innocent enough to maintain a black/white world view without shades of gray, much less color. It's terribly ironic to me that someone who is bashing OC's has to create one to do it. I feel very sorry at her targets, no one needs to be publically called out by a stranger for something written on fan fiction. I normally don't do it myself, but I'm making an exception in this case. Please feel free to look up my profile and tell me about it if you think this is to harsh, or have better suggestions about how to go about it.
no subject
I loved both Chapter 11 and Chapter 12 - not only the text, but the conversation around them. That may be, in fact, what I like most about your writing. Not only is the story fabulous, interesting people have interesting things to say about them; which more than doubles my fun :)
Regarding Edmund's denial - I am hard pressed to see how anything short of Aslan himself would wake him up here.
Regarding Susan/Rafe - Oh my yes!
Regarding Peter/Mary - I'm so very lukewarm on this. I can see Peter falling for Mary, I can't see Mary falling for Peter. Too interested in Polly, maybe?
Regarding Peter, Richard and Giraffes - If I had disposable income (I don't) I'd pay to read that conversation, and I would double down if Asim was forced to eavesdrop and/or participate in that debate.
Regarding what's her face, this comes across to me as someone who is still innocent enough to maintain a black/white world view without shades of gray, much less color. It's terribly ironic to me that someone who is bashing OC's has to create one to do it. I feel very sorry at her targets, no one needs to be publically called out by a stranger for something written on fan fiction. I normally don't do it myself, but I'm making an exception in this case. Please feel free to look up my profile and tell me about it if you think this is to harsh, or have better suggestions about how to go about it.
Aee2335/Dr. Dolly