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rthstewart) wrote2009-06-14 03:15 pm
putthing this somewhere other than my laptop
Because if it stays on my laptop, I'll keep fiddling with it instead of doing work writing about diversion and abuse of certain extended release opioids and preparing for a meeting tomorrow on privacy enforcement. Really don't understand this preoccupation with preserving privacy. It's the internet for god's sake. You can google earth your back yard. It's not just Big Brother watching. It's absolutely everyone else. Get over it. Privacy like Nietzche is dead.
I hate working on lovely Sundays. Of course, if I'd been doing less fic this weekend, and more actual work, I'd not be in this predicament.
With the below, I feel like I"m just rehashing some old ideas of a decade ago. It's so old to me, I can't tell if it's funny. Not that anyone would notice here, as there's hardly anyone over here. But that's OK, because it's safe and I'm thinking aloud. And there's always this nagging feeling that respectable people just don't write this sort of thing about Narnia. It's unseemly.
Digressions is Us
Postcards from the Lone Islands
I could see this being a whole series, if I can keep it funny. Although I have an idea for a couple that aren't funny at all.
Correspondence between “Harold” and an Evil Banker.
Series 1: Between Cair Paravel and the Telmar River Basin -- Dots
Dear Morgan:
Subject: Things that are better in conception than execution; also, “It seemed like a good idea at the time”
One word: Ants
With warm regard,
Harold
PS: Am I reading section 438(d) correctly and the tax on Narnia fish is higher than the tax on Calormen fish? How can you tell Narnian fish from Calormen fish?
PPS: Jalur says ‘hello’
Dear Harold:
Subject: Fish and ants
Oops. Do you have an anteater at Cair Paravel?
With warm regard,
Evil Banker Morgan
PS: Yes, you are reading section 438(d) correctly. Section 1331 defines Narnian fish as those taken from Narnian waters, unless they are in Lone Island waters. In practice the habourmaster makes the determination, and if he thinks they look like Narnia fish, you pay Narnian tax.
PPS: Jina, Lucy, and Sallowpad say ‘hello’
Dear Evil Banker Morgan:
Subject: Things that are better in conception than execution; also, “It seemed like a good idea at the time”
The ants bite.
I endured a long lecture from Mrs. Furner on the subject of laundry.
With warm regard,
Harold
PS: Section 438(d) sounds rather fishy, to pardon the pun. Should I assume the harbourmaster receives a higher commission on Narnian fish?
PPS: The anteater has very poor eyesight, is a bit thick, and is very hard to understand, given how her mouth and nose are shaped. Her tongue is sticky and she sheds. See above regarding Mrs. Furner and laundry. Also, because her eyesight is so poor, the anteater routinely mistakes noses for places where ants may be hiding.
Dear Harold:
Subject: Ant bites
Do you have the bites, or does the anteater?
With warm regards,
Evil Banker Morgan
PS: Yes, it is fishy.
PPS: So, does an anteater’s sticky tongue up your nose get rid of the pollen?
Dear Evil Banker Morgan
Subject: Ant bites
I do. Everywhere. I am now sneezing and itching.
With warm regards,
Harold
PS – How significant is the “commission” going to the harbourmaster? If the tax were equalized, who would be harmed?
PPS – Regrettably, no. I wish I was not writing from personal experience.
Dear Harold:
Subject: Recompense for ant bites
As recompense for the ant bites, I propose a diversion whereby I connect them, one to the next. If this is acceptable, please add that as an addendum to the contract. You can read it to me, while I connect your dots.
With warm regards,
Evil Banker Morgan
PS: If the tax were equalized, either those fishing in Calormen waters would have to pay a higher tax, or the harbourmasters would lose their bribes. The latter would affect fewer and probably be less disruptive. However, Sallowpad believes the commissions the harbourmasters take are significant, but says his information is old.
Dear Evil Banker Morgan:
Subject: Connect the dots
I accept the proposed terms of the addendum.
With warm (and sneezing, itching) regard,
Harold
PS: I did a first draft of the addendum today; Jalur suspects truancy.
PPS: What does Sallowpad think?
Dear Harold:
Subject: Recompense
It occurs to me that if your ant bites fade before my return, we will need to identify a reasonable substitute. Also, we need to establish by what means I should connect the dots, should any remain or we identify a reasonable substitute.
With warm regard,
Evil Banker Morgan
PS: Sallowpad prefers lowering the Narnia tax and doing something about the harbourmasters, although he dislikes compensating them for losing bribes they should not have collected in the first place.
Dear Evil Banker Morgan:
Subject: Alternative Methods of Executing Connect the Dots
I completed the contract addendum today. It is quite long, so it will take some time to read it aloud. I have identified several alternative methods of execution that do not involve indelible ink. I look forward to discussing the matter privately on your return.
With warm (and still itching and sneezing) regard,
Harold
PS: Jalur has confirmed my truancy (see above), so as recompense to him I endured the Otters today. The Otters miss you.
PPS: Tell Sallowpad I’m sending some crows to Narrowhaven to investigate the harbourmaster syndicates.
Dear Harold:
Subject: Contract Addendum
How long?
Anxiously awaiting your reply,
Evil Banker Morgan
PS: Sallowpad suggests sending some rats aboard Narnian ships bound for the Lone Islands as well.
Dear Evil Banker Morgan:
Subject: Contract Addendum
Very long. As there are a lot of ant bites, your connection of the dots is going to take some time. I have drafted the addendum accordingly.
With warm (and still itching and sneezing) regard,
Harold
PS: Jalur requests your return as soon as possible.
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That said, I thought this exchange between Harold and Not a Lady Morgan was quite funny. At first, the ants confused me since I had no frame of reference as to what the ants (as opposed to Ants, I assume?) were supposed to do. But moving on passed that to the postscripts about the tax code made a lot more sense. (And shouldn't Susan be helping out with tax code as well?)
I suspect that based on your previous post of the conversation between you and Harold on the last chapter of 'Royal Decree', the King would be more than happy about this though and is especially looking forward to connecting the dots. :-) I'm not sure if the series of correspondence would be worthy of putting up on FF.net --- it IS hard to keep it up as an entire story with a plot. This feels more to me like a bonus chapter (or something similar to DVD extras and deleted scenes) or a reward to those that read all of 'Royal Decree'.
Also -- how does Morgan find out that Harold had been referring to her as Evil Banker Morgan? Did the King reveal it to her in their contract negotiations? Or Jalur perhaps? I do miss Edmund's Guard and love the mentions of him here, as well as Sallowpad and the most beloved Otters.
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Also interesting is how Peter's guards are the cubs. I would have imagined that the High King of Narnia would be surrounded by more fearsome Good Beasts. Briony, Lambert, Wrasse and Jalur seem to be more appropriate as Guards to their Majesties.
forgot to log into my own journal d'oh!
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Love!
(Anonymous) 2009-10-10 02:37 pm (UTC)(link)I enjoyed it thoroughly! Jeez, Morgan is my favorite OC for Edmund ever. They are meant to bed. Whoops, I meant, meant to BE. :P
Now, on to more of your writing...
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By what means? Easy enough.
With clotted cream, of course.
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