[I wrote too much again, so this is broken into two pieces with some digressions pulled out into the second comment]
I thought this was a great, but difficult chapter. And the difficulty was intentional- it's covering a difficult set of events. Edmund is both distracted by the resonance of Seth's situation with his past, and trying to do what he thinks is the right thing and stay clear of Morgan's commitment to Alan and to the banking houses in general.
Of course, he goes to far, fails to say even basic, simple things to soften the blow, and generally makes a hash of it all. I have a fair amount of sympathy because I have a tendency to misread situations myself, and take myself out of them when really that wasn't what was wanted. So while Morgan's POV showed how badly he messed it up, and how far he still has to go to understand her, I can easily imagine a version of Edmund's POV in which he's looking for any sign from her, doesn't see it, and just kind of withdraws as a result, thinking it's for the best. Or possibly thinking that if she isn't going to meet him halfway then he won't either, but I really don't think he's like that- I think he's distracted and insensitive, and is (worst of all) failing to make use of Jina, Willa, Sallowpad and the others to sort things out. Jina's dissapointment and frustration were wonderfully written.
And there's been good groundwork laid that Susan, while not hostile to Morgan, is not overly fond of her either. So she has no real reason to step in, and plenty of other things to occupy her instead. I loved the flirtation with The Linch- Susan's the character about whose romantic and sexual experiences in Narnia we know the least, except that she obviously had male lovers (and female?) at some point and was pursued by nearly everyone.
This chapter explains so much about Morgan and makes her mannerisms less exasperating and more tragic. And Edmund has no idea how difficult this is for her (because she can't explain it). I also really wanted Lucy to show up and smack them both around (possibly with knives), because she's the only other human who really gets along with Morgan to any substantial degree.
As far as the reaction and whether you should continue, absolutely please do! As much as I dread it, I very much want to finally see the whole picture of "Death of a Hound" since it hopefully, in addition to the tragedy, establishes Edmund and Morgan's relationship as strong one, to the point that it is something missing in AW (and of course I also want to see more AW- much more :-) Right now their relationship is more "missed" and less "opportunity". I know you said he doesn't realize things until after the Wall of Water, but there doesn't seem to be quite enough for him to realize yet, or perhaps it just seems like it would be too easy for him to rationalize it all away as being what she wanted. Underneath it all, Edmund can't grasp the blunt practicality of the "joint venture", even being as little of a romantic as he is.
If other folks are like me, they need to take a bit of time to absorb the sad, frustrating behavior in chapters like this. I couldn't manage to write any response yesterday. It's harder to be enthusiastic when things aren't going well for the characters (for instance, the line "Edmund would wonder, for the rest of his short life, what might have happened had the summer lasted another month or three." from chapter 4 is really one of the saddest sentences I've read, and it's supposed to be. How was the reaction to chapter 11? That's probably more indicative of general interest in the fic.
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I thought this was a great, but difficult chapter. And the difficulty was intentional- it's covering a difficult set of events. Edmund is both distracted by the resonance of Seth's situation with his past, and trying to do what he thinks is the right thing and stay clear of Morgan's commitment to Alan and to the banking houses in general.
Of course, he goes to far, fails to say even basic, simple things to soften the blow, and generally makes a hash of it all. I have a fair amount of sympathy because I have a tendency to misread situations myself, and take myself out of them when really that wasn't what was wanted. So while Morgan's POV showed how badly he messed it up, and how far he still has to go to understand her, I can easily imagine a version of Edmund's POV in which he's looking for any sign from her, doesn't see it, and just kind of withdraws as a result, thinking it's for the best. Or possibly thinking that if she isn't going to meet him halfway then he won't either, but I really don't think he's like that- I think he's distracted and insensitive, and is (worst of all) failing to make use of Jina, Willa, Sallowpad and the others to sort things out. Jina's dissapointment and frustration were wonderfully written.
And there's been good groundwork laid that Susan, while not hostile to Morgan, is not overly fond of her either. So she has no real reason to step in, and plenty of other things to occupy her instead. I loved the flirtation with The Linch- Susan's the character about whose romantic and sexual experiences in Narnia we know the least, except that she obviously had male lovers (and female?) at some point and was pursued by nearly everyone.
This chapter explains so much about Morgan and makes her mannerisms less exasperating and more tragic. And Edmund has no idea how difficult this is for her (because she can't explain it). I also really wanted Lucy to show up and smack them both around (possibly with knives), because she's the only other human who really gets along with Morgan to any substantial degree.
As far as the reaction and whether you should continue, absolutely please do! As much as I dread it, I very much want to finally see the whole picture of "Death of a Hound" since it hopefully, in addition to the tragedy, establishes Edmund and Morgan's relationship as strong one, to the point that it is something missing in AW (and of course I also want to see more AW- much more :-) Right now their relationship is more "missed" and less "opportunity". I know you said he doesn't realize things until after the Wall of Water, but there doesn't seem to be quite enough for him to realize yet, or perhaps it just seems like it would be too easy for him to rationalize it all away as being what she wanted. Underneath it all, Edmund can't grasp the blunt practicality of the "joint venture", even being as little of a romantic as he is.
If other folks are like me, they need to take a bit of time to absorb the sad, frustrating behavior in chapters like this. I couldn't manage to write any response yesterday. It's harder to be enthusiastic when things aren't going well for the characters (for instance, the line "Edmund would wonder, for the rest of his short life, what might have happened had the summer lasted another month or three." from chapter 4 is really one of the saddest sentences I've read, and it's supposed to be. How was the reaction to chapter 11? That's probably more indicative of general interest in the fic.
-H