"Listen kids," their grunkle Stan said after finding the pair attempting to 'make truck' with those dumb fairy bastards, "the whole True Name thing is a bunch of hooey. It's like having an official address: something you drop as soon as the cops come sniffing around."

"But I still gave them my real name!" Dipper exclaimed, holding his face in his hands.

"The name on your birth certificate? Feh! Might as well try and look me up in New Jersey!"

"I mean, we all do call you Dipper..." Mabel said.

"See? Easy! Look, just don't use the name you gave 'em and after four to five business days they'll drop it like a bad debt. Easy peasy."

'Fair Folk' his wrinkly ass. That was exactly why he never left the house with an iron nail in his pocket. Might have to teach the kids some tricks, there were some real hucksters in the woods. No one could hussle his kids but him when he needed some keen eyes and young knees!